By Melissa Wilcox, Toddler Guide, Alder Room, Lake Oswego Campus
Maria Montessori once said, “To do an action gracefully it is not enough to do it with a smile on one’s face. The smile has to come from the heart. It must correspond with the feelings and be an act of will.”
“Grace and Courtesy” is a term that is often heard in a Montessori Community. In simple terms, it is showing respect for one another, and the world around us. Primary Guides give 3 to 6 year olds simple Grace and Courtesy lessons in small groups. In Toddler communities, children are introduced to these concepts through the everyday modeling of the adults around them. If we would like toddlers to be gracious and courteous, we need to lead by example. When it is a part of our lifestyle, it is easy for children to model after us.
Here are some simple things that we do in the Toddler Community, that can also be done at home to cultivate Grace and Courtesy:
- Say “Hello” and “Goodbye” to both children and adults when you arrive and leave
- Use eye contact, getting down to the child’s level to talk to them
- When a child is talking to you, listen to them; show them with your body language that you are present (set down your phone, close your laptop, etc.)
- When you are unable to someone your full attention, graciously let them know when you will be available. With younger children, keep it simple, such as, “I will be available in just a moment…” with a kind smile. With older children, you might say something like, “It is important to me that I hear what you have to say. I need to finish [fill in task here], and I then I will be available.” Using this respectful communication with other adults is important to model as well.
- Wash your hands after we use a toilet, or wipe our nose
- Cover your mouth when you yawn, sneeze or cough
- Push in chairs when you are done at a table
- Mindfully clean up when you see something out of place
- Say “please” and “thank you” when being served food
- In the classroom, we model how respect for other people’s work. We often don’t “share” a material; instead, we respect the fact that our friend is doing something, and politely wait for them to finish. This could be used at home with siblings or playmates.
As the child is still in the stage of the unconscious absorbent mind, his exercise of grace and courtesy, of the fine flower of charity, of consideration, of service to others, cannot yet be in his own human responsibility. For that his intellect has to be illuminated, his will has to be trained to choose the good. Therefore the responsibility for the child’s acts of grace and courtesy rest fully on the parents and family. They are responsible for the prepared environment in which the child can absorb grace and courtesy. -Margaret Stephenson, excerpt from her Keynote Address at the 1998 Association Montessori Internationale USA National Conference in Oak Brook, Illinois
Grace and Courtesy is the foundation of peace. When we recognize the value in each individual person, we can give them the respect that they deserve.